What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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