i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize