I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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