she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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