it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize