I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize