There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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