At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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