No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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