Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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