I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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