we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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