I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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