new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize