I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize