Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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