They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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