I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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