I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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