Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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