i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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