just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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