Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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