I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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