Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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