I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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