new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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