"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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