We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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