You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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