she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize