She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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