everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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