He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize