I faked an abortion last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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