god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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