Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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