So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize