oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got inside last night via doggy door
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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