Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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