I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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