hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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