So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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