I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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