Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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