We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize