yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize