Don't you send me to vm
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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