Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize