Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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